You never really left

Yes, I hear you
I get it you never left
I will admit I underestimated your tenacity
Foolishly ignored the obvious truth
That you were always whipping at my face
But further acknowledging your cat-calls
Will bring me no closer to peace.

Death by a 1000 cigarettes

To not think nor feel
A meager and pathetic pursuit
Yet I spend my days doggedly struggling to attain it
There is not a true longing for a return to past days
but in it's stead there is simply a daunting void
that I'm uncertain I lack the initiative to fill or cross
Smiles and laugh come easy enough
But thinly veiled beneath there is just a cold emptiness
An ache in my bones and nights of dreamless sleep

How did I get this far from true self
A pale imitation of the man I aspired to be
He's still in there somewhere but it's so far from the surface
Unimagineably buried beneath a foot solider strictly built for duty
There is music in my soul yet it dies in my throat
And I stand at this impass forcing cancer down my lungs
Fighting to choke down the sigh that is long overdue

High Water Mark

So much snow.
More always just a day a way.
and always wind.
Mocking and unrelenting.
As the monotonous greys and whites seemed permanent of fixture
So basic and true that eternal was almost unacceptable to deny
It broke.

For no reason, or so I thought.
The wind stopped it's insistent howl
The warming touch of the sun was once again within grasp
And the damnedable white
began it's premature descent
from levels unimaginably high

As certain as the hope and calm air
Was the certainty that is was not yet through.
Sure enough the unpalatable bleakness returned in all it's fury.

Now they find the cruel wind has once again mellowed
It's effect lest biting and mocking
The sun, ever present, again reaching out with welcoming arms...
For some, all signs finally point to the long over due call to spring.
But not for me.

Here, now, I realize that it was no coincidence.
When first melt crept close to the high water mark
If for only myself, it never regressed.
It was not that the wind went away, it's that I no longer heard it...
And, at least in my eternal version of the neverending cold,
it was not the sun's doing,
It was you.

At your front

Let the wind whisper
Let it spin round and taunt
Blow by me only to return and howl
It will recieve no opposition here
I will surely bend
Broken things are easily flown through or around.

I am almost completely dry now
There is no false courage to bolster my false pride
I forget how to speak in mocking tones
Instead I just gasp out nothings
Lost inside myself
Struggling to figure out how to once again howl back

There is just air and silence
So much so that as it whisps by
It takes on a sharp edge
Where have you gone?
Will you come back?
Can't you scream boy?

I almost always hear it now
And far too few a times
Gather the courage to whisper
That I truly don't know.

Sway do the walk (scratch pad for song)

Everybody's talking bout so and such
Makes it hard foe a brother who is down on his luck
But we can all shine like angels through this pitch dark
Just let your hands do the talking and your sway do the walk

Hey little girl
Head full of dreams
Don't need no daddy nor no godamn rings
Shine like a superstar
Where ever you been
Mocking bird cries are also how it sings

Around and Around (scratch pad for song)

Taking time to assess properly all the little things
Hope what's best holds true in the end all the same
When best guess doesn't quite pass the test
Pray luck holds then
As it slips on through your fingers they'll promise you can start again

So go running around and around knocking things down
At the end of the day you're ok but your your losing ground
Be careful the choices you've made they'll come back around
All that you stand to lose might not be so easily found

Things will only get better (scratch pad for song)

This song's for lost causes and broken dreams
For first sight loves that don't quite work out like they seem
This song's  for all the pain and the misery
This song's for all the people who are
Just like me

All around the town
All around the world
Things will get better
Things will only get worse
Smile or frown
Boy or Girl
Things will only get better
Things will only get worse

So grab a coffee and some chinese food
Pray hope April is just around the bend
If you go remember to always tip good
Better to be safe than to be bad story hollywood

All around the town
All around the world
Things will get better
Things will only get worse
Smile or frown
Boy or Girl
Things will only get better
Things will only get worse