To not think nor feel
A meager and pathetic pursuit
Yet I spend my days doggedly struggling to attain it
There is not a true longing for a return to past days
but in it's stead there is simply a daunting void
that I'm uncertain I lack the initiative to fill or cross
Smiles and laugh come easy enough
But thinly veiled beneath there is just a cold emptiness
An ache in my bones and nights of dreamless sleep
How did I get this far from true self
A pale imitation of the man I aspired to be
He's still in there somewhere but it's so far from the surface
Unimagineably buried beneath a foot solider strictly built for duty
There is music in my soul yet it dies in my throat
And I stand at this impass forcing cancer down my lungs
Fighting to choke down the sigh that is long overdue
