You never really left

Yes, I hear you
I get it you never left
I will admit I underestimated your tenacity
Foolishly ignored the obvious truth
That you were always whipping at my face
But further acknowledging your cat-calls
Will bring me no closer to peace.

Death by a 1000 cigarettes

To not think nor feel
A meager and pathetic pursuit
Yet I spend my days doggedly struggling to attain it
There is not a true longing for a return to past days
but in it's stead there is simply a daunting void
that I'm uncertain I lack the initiative to fill or cross
Smiles and laugh come easy enough
But thinly veiled beneath there is just a cold emptiness
An ache in my bones and nights of dreamless sleep

How did I get this far from true self
A pale imitation of the man I aspired to be
He's still in there somewhere but it's so far from the surface
Unimagineably buried beneath a foot solider strictly built for duty
There is music in my soul yet it dies in my throat
And I stand at this impass forcing cancer down my lungs
Fighting to choke down the sigh that is long overdue

High Water Mark

So much snow.
More always just a day a way.
and always wind.
Mocking and unrelenting.
As the monotonous greys and whites seemed permanent of fixture
So basic and true that eternal was almost unacceptable to deny
It broke.

For no reason, or so I thought.
The wind stopped it's insistent howl
The warming touch of the sun was once again within grasp
And the damnedable white
began it's premature descent
from levels unimaginably high

As certain as the hope and calm air
Was the certainty that is was not yet through.
Sure enough the unpalatable bleakness returned in all it's fury.

Now they find the cruel wind has once again mellowed
It's effect lest biting and mocking
The sun, ever present, again reaching out with welcoming arms...
For some, all signs finally point to the long over due call to spring.
But not for me.

Here, now, I realize that it was no coincidence.
When first melt crept close to the high water mark
If for only myself, it never regressed.
It was not that the wind went away, it's that I no longer heard it...
And, at least in my eternal version of the neverending cold,
it was not the sun's doing,
It was you.

At your front

Let the wind whisper
Let it spin round and taunt
Blow by me only to return and howl
It will recieve no opposition here
I will surely bend
Broken things are easily flown through or around.

I am almost completely dry now
There is no false courage to bolster my false pride
I forget how to speak in mocking tones
Instead I just gasp out nothings
Lost inside myself
Struggling to figure out how to once again howl back

There is just air and silence
So much so that as it whisps by
It takes on a sharp edge
Where have you gone?
Will you come back?
Can't you scream boy?

I almost always hear it now
And far too few a times
Gather the courage to whisper
That I truly don't know.

Sway do the walk (scratch pad for song)

Everybody's talking bout so and such
Makes it hard foe a brother who is down on his luck
But we can all shine like angels through this pitch dark
Just let your hands do the talking and your sway do the walk

Hey little girl
Head full of dreams
Don't need no daddy nor no godamn rings
Shine like a superstar
Where ever you been
Mocking bird cries are also how it sings

Around and Around (scratch pad for song)

Taking time to assess properly all the little things
Hope what's best holds true in the end all the same
When best guess doesn't quite pass the test
Pray luck holds then
As it slips on through your fingers they'll promise you can start again

So go running around and around knocking things down
At the end of the day you're ok but your your losing ground
Be careful the choices you've made they'll come back around
All that you stand to lose might not be so easily found

Things will only get better (scratch pad for song)

This song's for lost causes and broken dreams
For first sight loves that don't quite work out like they seem
This song's  for all the pain and the misery
This song's for all the people who are
Just like me

All around the town
All around the world
Things will get better
Things will only get worse
Smile or frown
Boy or Girl
Things will only get better
Things will only get worse

So grab a coffee and some chinese food
Pray hope April is just around the bend
If you go remember to always tip good
Better to be safe than to be bad story hollywood

All around the town
All around the world
Things will get better
Things will only get worse
Smile or frown
Boy or Girl
Things will only get better
Things will only get worse

Wishful Thinking

Watch the first step
It can be a bit tricky
But don't worry too much
They'll assure you sure footing awaits
I promise boy, there are rocks at the bottom.

Could always be a bit worse
It's only a little cold
Once you adjust
If there's nothing else to do
I promise boy, there are things to throw

I know it looks dark down here
But our eyes were probably closed
When you cast the light down
It may seem a bit forboding
I promise boy, you won't be alone.

Feel free to toss a coin in passing
If it suits your whim
Make sure it's silver
If you wouldn't mind
No promise on wishes granted boy,
but we'll thank you all the same.

Icarus

Large pockets filled with empty things
Damned to walk the earth
Raging hearths burning wax and wings
No way to fly from harm
Moonlight breeding shallow beings
You get what you deserve
Large pockets filled with empty things
Damned to walk the earth

Bourbon for the blessed

If times and places and present nature
Were given will to find their way
To a place of new beginnings
Will there be somewhere they could stay

If there were means to prove your inner
Was broke yet whole and guarding dreams
Would ill tied spirits merely dance upon them
Or would they leave lone your only means

So dust yourself off up the floor
Prove you are more than you've been
If and only for your own self
Pray to fates hands to rise again

If there was flesh and blood to good luck
I would buy it all it could drink
And promise never to cast another dice roll
If it would hold strong till I won't sink.

(Scratch pad for songs)

Might be certifiable
But it's undeniable
It's coming again
Right around the bend

I just know what I know
Not prone do what I told
It's all a getting old
So god damn old

And every night it comes again
Feel alright drinking with my friends
OooH how I loathe that it could end
But we all gotta get up sometime and repretend

Follow Along

Follow along if you dare
Through snow and storm to everywhere
Lockstep in foot promise in air
On roads unknown without a care

Not for joy but due to sense
Promise softly that there's recompense
That truly there lies better days ahead
That duty will not lead to doom instead

Past winding creeks and rocky roads
I'll carry the part that's the heavy load
Unburdened your free to freely roam
The way is hard but it still leads home

The days may blend and I hate the phone
Yet my heart is lightened as it's not alone
This is nothing further than to ease the old
I'm sorry that some nights were cold

This road in fact for me will end
Just a few more turns I'll reach the bend
And in it's place a life our own
Follow me or I'll go alone.

Them's the breaks

Hollow is a heart devoid of purpose.
There was one, once.

The beats seem to pointlessly echo more than they used to
There just seems to be so much less padding then
There was, once..

It thumps on unabated
Awake or asleep a constant reminder
That at one time there was more
There was...

Simply a conglomerate of functional parts
Lacking any semblance to a complex gathering of nerves and emotion
Like a tin man with a pacemaker it just ticks and ticks
No longer truly serving any purpose but to notify me that it is indeed
There....